Are You Wife Material?

Most girls from the age of 5 or 6 decide that one day they will marry a handsome prince and they will be his princess forever and ever. (insert butterflies, pink fairy dust, a wedding dress that makes everyone jealous, a wedding where cost is no option, and possibly a house in the suburbs with a fenced in yard). I wish that this was a joke, but so many women have these types of thoughts regarding what marriage will be like. They want Hollywood magic and have no clue how much the success of their marriage actually depends on them. 

So many women dream of being a spouse one day, but many single women do not realize the amount of work that is required within themselves to make marriage work. I’m not asking if you are a finished project, but do you have the materials to work with? Are you centered in yourself? Do you have a strong foundation? Are you willing to share your life with someone and give up some selfish desires? 

If you can answer these questions in a positive way, I’d say you are closer to being wife material than most. I am not a marriage expert by any far stretch of the imagination, but I can share my own experience and hopefully help any single ladies out there have a more realistic perspective when considering tying the knot.

So let’s start with the first question, are you wife material?

Women who are preparing themselves for marriage know the importance of alone time. Solitude equals sanity. You must get into the practice of rejuvenating yourself and not leaning on another to give you everything that you need. Your future spouse cannot give you the energy and sanity that you need. They can bring comfort and security, but you need to learn not to depend on someone else to give you your mental strength. Keep practicing the things that bring joy to your life. I know I talk about yoga a lot, but that is my me time. It’s soothing and strengthening for my mind and body. It’s my place of peace and refreshment. Make sure you keep whatever it is for you, a priority!

Secondly, are you centered in yourself?

Do you like you? (This is huge! Please don't miss this!) If you don’t, others around you will have a hard time convincing you that they like you too. You will be bitter and demeaning towards yourself and then your partner. If there are areas that you know that you specifically need to work on, whether it be your tone, your emotional health, your fitness, or your anger, work on that now. Be proactive. I know all of us are and will always be working on things within ourselves, but do a good evaluation on how you feel about yourself. If you love yourself, you will allow others to love you the way they want to. There will be a freedom in your love and it will be easy to share and receive.

Do you have a strong foundation? 

This one is very important in choosing your spouse. You need to know where you stand on science, politics, family values, religious values, and what life actually looks like in your own opinion. Far too often we get with someone who is our polar opposite (because they are so interesting, right?!) and we end up disagreeing on important family values or what discipline looks like for our future kids. Be sure you know what things you are willing to be open minded and compromising on and what things you just won’t budge on. It makes such a difference if you are on the same page rather than fighting over the details of why you believe your value system is correct. 

Are you willing to give up your selfish desires?

A lot of people who have dated for several years don’t realize that dating and marriage (which is a daily walk side by side) are completely different. Most people assume years of dating equals "practically married". I’m here to help you, it’s not even close. Marriage, the act of becoming one in mind, body, house, credit, bills, last name, responsibility, accountability, etc… It’s bigger than just taking your relationship to the next step. It’s a lot of give and take on both sides. Husbands and wives daily have to decide to serve the other, out-love the other, give up our own idea of what dinner should be for the other, or be selfish. Selfish isn’t necessarily a bad word. I like it and some things you should be selfish with such as your alone or recharge time. What dating or single people often forget is that marriage requires giving up oneself if you want it to work. Personally, I don’t think balance is quite attainable, but there can be respect and equality between you two. In order for that to happen, sacrifices are made by each partner. One of my friends once mentioned to me that after struggling with scheduling and prioritizing each other, she and her husband decided to “filter everything through their marriage”. Every decision made is filtered through “Is this good for us both?”. What a beautiful way to verbalize what a lot of successful couples do; filter through your marriage. The filter accounts for both sides and that means compromise and that means sometimes what you thought would be best actually isn’t. Are you willing to make those types of decisions? Pretty much every day? Haha. But really.

I am here to let you guys know that marriage can be successful and you can not only love the person you’ve chosen, but you can like them as a person as well. Of course, marriage will have it’s pain, heartache, misunderstanding, and struggle, but if you are a whole human with a strong healthy perspective of what it can be like, I think you are more likely to succeed. Be realistic when choosing. Be realistic when deciding that now is the time or now isn’t the time yet. I believe in every person that reads this blog post. I believe in you. I think you can be successful in relationships and it can be a whole lot of fun. If you’re a young adult or in your twenties and beyond, you have time. Don’t rush the process, love yourself and be your best self.

xoxox

Lola