Authentically You

Authentically You.

Hey there People Pleasers and Positive People! Welcome to PPPA (Positive, Perfectionist, People Pleaser Anonymous); I’m your host, Lola. I’m here today to show you that the standard that we hold for ourselves is truly absurd. Let’s go over a few headlines that would be click bait for people like us. How to achieve perfection! (hint: You cannot.) How to please everyone! (hint: You cannot.) How to choose positivity over reality! (hint: You cannot.)

Sounds ridiculous right? Do you need this PPPA group in your life? There are times when I feel like I do. For those of us who are wired this way, you understand the heaviness and pressure that unfortunately we put on ourselves to be perfect for everyone. Pause, think of those awkward moments when you choose to do something for someone else, you know what I mean? Those kick yourself moments where you got yourself into another predicament where you don’t want someone to feel uncomfortable so you over extend yourself. How many times have you chosen to work longer hours to look like what you think others expect you to look like? How many times have you gotten yourself into a volunteer charity group that you have zero inclination to be at? How often do you go out of your way to take on something so that someone else doesn’t feel bad?

I’m here to help you to free yourself from these thoughts.

Step 1. Let’s work together

Accountability is essential if your desire is to be a better person today than you were yesterday. Find a friend who balances out your people pleasing or perfectionist thoughts. There are people out there who reeaaallly could care less about conforming to the world’s thoughts, opinions, or social constructs. They are not hurtful or mean people, they are authentic and invest heavily in themselves. These people are hidden gems. I found one and the evolution of my thoughts and behaviors have created a better life for me.

Step 2. You are not IT

Tag, you’re it! One of the best games on the playground. Why don’t we bring this game into adulthood? Because we become so fearful of letting someone else be it. You cannot always be IT. You cannot possibly be everything that everyone needs in every situation that you come across. It’s inhuman. I’m pretty sure that God is here for that. Don’t idolize yourself or your own abilities. You are strong, capable, beautiful, and needed, but you aren’t everything. Allow others in your life to operate in their strengths and release yourself from the weight.

Step 3. Everyone won’t like you

Breathe in and breathe out. Trust me, it’s going to be okay. I wish I would’ve learned this before I hit my 20’s, but the realization that everyone will not like you brings a freedom and comfortability within yourself that is indescribable. Popularity and being well-known feels good. Feeling burnt out and taken-advantage of doesn’t. You should never be one version of yourself when you are one-on-one with someone and an entirely different you in a group of people. Humility and confidence in knowing that you are being your most authentic self outweighs the satisfaction of being “liked”. You being yourself allows others the opportunity to get to know the true you and like you, or not. Put the responsibility in their hands and leave yourself out of the equation.

Step 4. You’re responsible

Perfectionists, People Pleasers, and Overly-Positive People, only you are responsible for this weight that you’ve placed on yourself. Perfectionists often think that they can achieve perfection in certain areas of their lives. People pleasers believe that somehow they can make everyone happy. Positive vibe-y people believe that looking at the hard or uncomfortable facts somehow infringes on their freedom. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Living for others or living to please others only infringes on your freedom.

Step 5. Tap into your power

There is power in authenticity. It is a magnet to others. It is a guiding light for those who need help being themselves. When you are authentically yourself, you allow others around you to let their guards down. You give them permission to be themselves.

The funny thing with each of these struggles is that we choose to put ourselves in these situations. Since the power is within us, we can choose to remove ourselves from any unrealistic expectations designed to hold us back from being who we are called to be. True freedom looks like being authentic to who we truly are. This means that we will make mistakes, cringe, I know. We will actually make a ton of mistakes and then we will learn from them and continue to live afterwards. Authenticity opens up new thoughts, ideas, and relationships. Imagine what can happen when you start living out your truth. Whether it’s a societal standard, a generational curse, or it’s just how you were wired, you do not have to live under that anymore.

Lola xx