Mom Shaming

Labels, to me, are truly terrible. The idea of lumping a group of people into one category makes me cringe. It truly is deterring. It is hard for me to understand how people can define others based upon a very small amount of knowledge of them or their lives.

Today, I want to talk about mom shaming. 

As soon as my son turned one, people started asking me, "When is baby number two coming?". The question can come from someone at a birthday party, event, or even come from strangers who talk to me in the grocery line. I want to preface this by saying that this question is not a bad one. I understand where it's coming from. People want babies to have siblings and to be social and have great relationships and all of that. I get that.

What I have a problem with is sometimes this comment comes along after the "When is the next baby coming?".... Believe it or not I have been told "You're not really a mom if you only have one." Also, "That's it? That's too easy." 

WOW. Immediately my brain goes on a rampage. 
"What do you mean I'm not really a mom!" "I carried this child!" "I gave life to this child!" "My entire life and every decision that I make has to be a responsible one because of this child!" Etc...etc... etc. 

While my inward expression might be momentarily going wild, my outward expression is calm and I always laugh it off and say something like, "I like my life how it is right now" which I think is the proper attitude to have. 

Mom-shamers come in varieties of shapes, sizes, and ages. I've had people tell me that I am feeding my child wrong before. I remember a woman coming up to me and telling me that my child could get cancer if I allowed him to eat goldfish. To a new mom, this was startling.

I also can recall someone telling me not to allow my son to wear low top shoes because his legs wouldn't develop correctly and he would walk weird. 

These are just a few examples of the bizarre and bold comments that people feel like they are allowed to make about your child. I'm sure every mom reading this right now has heard questions or comments like this before and I just want to remind you that it is not competition. Mommas, do not feel the need to justify any decision that you make on behalf of your child. Also, do not measure what your life should look like in comparison to others. Maybe and hopefully you like how your life is right now and that is freaking awesome. The worst possible mistake you can make is to scroll through Instagram and pattern your life after blogging moms. Even the blogging moms have the messy moments, they are just good at capturing the picture perfect moments. 

Don't exhaust yourself trying to create a fantasy fictional reality where everything is always perfect and your kids never stain their crisp white t-shirts. The messy moments are reality. These are the moments when your child learns about themselves and about life.

So Mommas, if you decide you only want one kid, congratulations you are winning. The worst possible mistake you could make is to make that kind of decision based on someone else looking down on you like you're not really a mom. Guess what? The people that make comments about your life and think they know best don't go home with you. They don't change the diapers. They don't pay for the formula or the bills. They don't drive the kids to the doctor or to school. 

If you decide to allow your child to wear cool sneakers and eat goldfish, good for you. If you have five kids and are giving your life away to create a healthy environment for new loving people in this world, I literally tip my hat off to you. We need more emotionally healthy people on this earth.

Dear Momma, there is absolutely no one in your circle who knows your kids or you like you. You know what you want and need. You're doing great. Don't let others dictate what your motherhood or family should look like. Don't even get me started on the "working at home mom" vs the "working at a job mom" debate. We all work hard. Let's support each other! 


Love,
Lola