Confronting Negative Thoughts

Sometimes I get into a pattern of thinking that tells me that my situation couldn't possibly be understood by another person and although we are called “humankind", I'm different.

There are moments when I think that I'm the only one who deals with this and no one else possibly could understand my unique problem. Although I’d like to think that I’m so unique, maybe, just maybe, we all deal with some type of crazy thoughts. I’d like to break down a couple of types of thought patterns that we accidentally or purposefully fall into.

Personalizing the problem: This is when we automatically assume that whatever problem happened was all your fault. Whether this is at work, with your spouse, with your friend, or even a stranger, we tend to assume we did something to cause it. An example of this would be: An email that seems passive aggressive that you take the wrong way… i.e. "um why didn’t they send me a "good morning" back in their reply, did I make them mad?” or “that person didn’t smile back at me or didn’t laugh at my comment, what did I do to upset them?”

Black or White: Not seeing any shades of grey in the situation. This was either this way or that way. You are certain of that. 

Negative Filters: The only way you can see the problem is in a negative light. There is no other side to it. You screwed it all up, that person sucks, the end.

THE SKY IS FALLING!: Notice the all caps. Everything is a catastrophe. Your emotions are high and your thoughts are running wild. Only the worst outcome is going to come out of this.

I have personally dealt with each of these thought patterns. Man, my mind can wear me out IF I ALLOW IT (notice all caps again). Fear and negativity can ruin your day, week, month, year, and life if you let it. So what thoughts are you allowing to control you? If you’d like to go to battle against these thoughts, what weapons and tools do you have on hand? What can you do practically when you start to go down the wrong thinking path?

First, Challenge the thought. Go back through the situation or problem and evaluate what happened with your mind open. Switch places with the other person in the situation and think about how it played out if you were the other person. Think about how you would respond or feel. Maybe you’d take it better than you realize. Maybe there are other possible outcomes where it turned out differently than how you are replaying it in your mind. 

Second step, Yoga. Clean the kitchen. Go to the library. Find your zen, however that works for you. Take a break from thinking about the problem. Sometimes to drown my thoughts I turn on my record player and clean my kitchen or cook bacon. LOL.

Thirdly, Forgive yourself. Depending on the situation, you could be judging yourself pretty hard. Isn’t it crazy how hard we can grade ourselves? I mean sometimes it's way harder than others do. Give yourself a break. Whatever happened, happened. Look for the positive in all of it. Tomorrow brings new mercy and grace. 

Fourth step. Start your days with grateful thoughts. As you're driving to work or when you’re getting ready, thank God and thank the people around you for what they do to make your life better. 

Remember, that your mind isn't in control of you. You are not your mind. You are in control. Acknowledge the thought as it is; just a thought. It has no power unless you give it power. Say something like, “Hey there thought, I hear you, but I know you’re not real. I am going to think about other things now.” I know that may sound a little crazy, but sometimes you have to check yourself and realize how powerless those thoughts can be. Also, you are not alone in this. We all deal with fear, insecurity, being critical, worrying, and being negative, but the good news is you can win the battle. When the thoughts creep up, confront them and move on.

Love you guys,

LOLA