Perfection = Self-Sabotage

Let's talk about Perfectionism.

Perfectionism is something that I have dealt with in my past life experience. Some people looking in from the outside would disagree with me calling myself a perfectionist. I am extremely easy going and friendly, I go with the flow, I only wear makeup twice a week, and my clothes are not always ironed. I'm what you may call, chill. 

Let me give you my definition of what a perfectionist is. I think that I can through my own powers and strength and womanhood create a perfect life. My perfect life would be this magical place where nothing ever goes wrong. It's a peaceful bubble where my toddler doesn't pee in the bed, where disagreements and work-induced stress do not exist, where I am always a dependable and reliable friend to everyone in my life, where my floors are always dust free, and my sheets always smell like clean bleach (not bbq sauce). My idea unfortunately is incredibly delusional and overly optimistic.

There is also a huge problem with this kind of thinking; it requires that through my own effort, I can control everything about my life.  How freaking crazy is that? There are three things I would have to have in order to pull something like this off: Supernatural control, Enormous wealth, and Way above average intellect. So let's sum this up really quick... I am not God, Michael Jackson, or Batman. But for some reason, in my mind, I have sometimes thought that I am all three of them wrapped in one dope superwoman. This type of thinking tells me that I can create perfect moments, which maybe?!? sometimes I can. Sometimes I can pull off the perfect party or have a perfect sun shiny day.  But there have been times I have tried to create a perfect moment after another perfect moment, a great day with the pressure to have the next day just as great, with the end goal being this beautiful easy breezy perfect life.

A major problem here is that it is not "easy breezy" for me. I have put that stress and responsibility and emotional burden entirely upon myself to create that world not remembering that other people and factors also weigh in on what my world is actually going to look like. I hope that I am not the only one who has ever put this type of crazy responsibility on themselves. Maybe you (the reader) have felt this way before. I don't think this is a one person struggle. Sometimes it can be hard to accept, but it is so healthy to understand that you cannot hold your own world in your hands. Every one singular moment that happens in your life has a purpose and a meaning in the greater scope of what your life will actually turn out to be. I hope that you will realize (like I did) that without any imperfect moments and imperfect situations and imperfect people, you are missing out on any resemblance of a fulfilled life. You will miss out on opportunities to give love and grace and forgiveness and kindness. You will miss out on moments that look messy, but end up being moments where you build up your child's character. You'll miss out on moments where you not trying to control what happens actually proves to be healing in your relationships. We are not robots. We are humans. We have scars, we have hurts, and we are not in control. What we do with the imperfect moments in our lives ultimately shapes our character and gives us a greater perspective of humanity and what it means to truly love. Why would we want to miss out on that? 

Love, Lola xx